Where to Next?
Let's get right into it.
Recently I have been experiencing extreme feelings of being overwhelmed. Now normally I would be pretty good at dissecting being overwhelmed into the feelings I am actually really having. Because feeling overwhelmed can most of the times be related back to certain situations and/or thoughts. However, this is one of the first times in my life that whenever I try to dissect my overwhelmed brain, that I just end up with the feeling of being lost.
Now I know where exactly I am, I mean I am currently in my room writing this, not lost like a little child in the supermarket looking for their mom. But honestly, I am really feeling like that little child that is looking for their mom. You might have already caught on, but by my mom, I don't actually mean my real mom. She's just a metaphor (and currently at the grocery store in real life whilst writing this). Alright, time to forget this metaphor, because it sucks but I think you get the gist of what I mean.
When it comes down to it, I am searching. For what, I have no clue. I am feeling more empty and at a loss than usual. But I am also realizing that this is not something that I can just wish away or ignore. This could just be a pivotal moment in my life where things get changed up big time, which is just a terrifying thought in itself really. I have decided that the only way to cope with this for me, is to just go through it. I am accepting that currently I am lost. I have no navigation or map and apparently no sense of direction either, but that is okay. The only way out, is through. I am accepting that I don't know what is going on and that I am not feeling completely whole, but that doesn't mean that this feeling will stay forever. It means that I am changing and finding out more about myself in the meantime. Which I kind of think is pretty nice. I am 24 years of age and still don't know shit about myself and that is okay! As long as I keep being willing to learn and stay open for new experiences and knowledge, I will eventually be fine.
"Self-discovery is the secret ingredient that fuels daring."
- Grace Lichtenstein.
I guess you could say that after writing this, I am pretty excited about the fact that I am going to be learning more about myself and what I long for in life. I am excited to see what I and the world has in store for me. And the fact that I don't know everything yet, doesn't mean I can't already start to appreciate what I do know and am already experiencing. I am understanding that to feel more complete, I am the one that has to change things for the better. No one else can fill this void for me and I am glad to be recognizing my own power in this situation. We sometimes think others will be able to fix things within us, meanwhile we were the key to salvation within ourselves the whole time.
I can't wait to look back on this in the future and hopefully think, yeah I was right, I was ready for change. But maybe I will be horribly wrong and will be laughing at myself in the future thinking I was just bullshitting around, thinking things would change. Either way I am hopeful and will just go through it. Because that's the way to go for me, through. I hope you stick around to see whether I was right or wrong. And of course you have some tips to share with the class: don't be shy, tell us wise one!